One might think that the recent declining divorce rate is good news. At first, we might celebrate. Why? Have people suddenly become more agreeable? Less selfish? Have people suddenly discovered the urge to stick with it through all the tough times for the sake of making the vital institution of marriage work in their lives and for the sake of society? Unfortunately, this is not the case, and the fact does not exist in a vacuum. While the divorce rate has gone down (14.6 down from a peak of 22.6 per 1,000 women according to the Bowling Green State University’s (BGSU) National Center for Family and Marriage Research (NCFMC)), there is an accompanying chilling statistic. The marriage rate for women is down from its peak of 65.4% of all women in the United States to an alarming 46.4%. The BGSU as well as the Institute for Family Studies cite several factors for this decline separated by men and women.
For women, the decline is related to economic factors. Young women feel that they will need to be their only pillar of financial support and are encouraged to focus on growing up into a career. The impulse to find a husband is depressed by the decline in male masculinity and late maturity in males. Oceanside Mental Health says factors such as societal conditioning are delaying the mental maturity of young men by several years. Women are reacting to this delay by waiting to get married, having focused on their career and education rather than marriage. A woman should be able to work, having an industrious work ethic as beautifully explained in Proverbs 31:13-19.
She works and is a provider for her home but her first priority, as stated in the previous and following verses, should be her husband and her children, and after that being a nurturer and caregiver for those in need. In our modern world, young girls are taught to focus on what they will be doing after their general education, and what job they will have, but the focus on finding a godly man and a focus on worship and God are put on the back burner. Young children are told sports events, homework, academic events, and other worldly things take priority over God or any godly direction or authority.
While young women are searching for stable, mature, protectors and not finding any their age, young men have experienced a lack of reason for marriage from their own perspective. As Paul indirectly acknowledges in I Corinthians 7:1-5, men have an incredible desire for sexual activity. They are so strongly motivated by fleshly gratification that the desire can supersede even rational thought. Before recent years, the desire for physical gratification led a young man to pursue a woman, and her keeping chaste and the godly self-control exhibited by one or both parties creates a foundational love suited to last a lifetime.
Men no longer have that motivation. Women, too focused on worldly desires rather than building a home and lasting relationships with immature men, are no longer chaste. The men become “intoxicated” as Proverbs 5:20-23 describes: “Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.”
The man loses his self-control when he allows himself to be seduced. While his immediate desire is satisfied, and hers as well, his conscience is calloused and his ability to connect with that godly relationship is damaged.
Cohabitation, according to the NCFMR, is also one of those contributing factors. Why go through the dedication and commitment of marriage if those worldly, sexual, and financial needs, which are traditionally satisfied through marital relationships, can be achieved without commitment?
Men are especially vulnerable to the lack of a need of a female presence using pornography. According to Ballester and the National Library of Medicine, as many as 91.7% of all boys are exposed to pornography before the age of 18. In that same study, young men develop unrealistic expectations of relationships and sexual desires which are harmful, and eventually can lead to being unable to have relationships with women which are based on godly, foundational love.
God knew all this about us. It is uncomfortable to talk or write about, but I Corinthians 7:1-5 goes into this subject: “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Young people especially need to understand the Bible and what God has in store for us in relationships. Marriage is beautiful and should not be sullied by sinful desire. Divorce only exists because sin has entered a relationship, but going into marriage with a handicap only makes the problem worse. Looking on marriage as a tax break or social safety net is the opposite of what it is: an institution created by God so that we may better serve Him. Going into marriage is joyful, and to continue though creates a bond which helps everyone involved. Husbands, wives, and children have a better relationship with God and find a greater fulfillment than anything the world or fleshly desires have to offer.
Lance Byers