Car manufacturers install warning lights to alert us when sensors are picking up unusual or dangerous signals from the car that indicate mechanical problems or potential danger. When dating there are also indicators that signal potential problems in relationships. Being in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend can be damaging to you physically, mentally, and spiritually; and you can carry the effects for many years. I do not mean to pick on men, but admittedly the men are at fault in the matter of controlling their girlfriend or wife the majority of the time. For this reason, I want to share with our parents and young women an article (the link to which can be provided upon request) with seven signs to look for if you think you have a controlling boyfriend:
- Attached at the hip: Many controlling boyfriends’ behavior is sparked by their inability to trust. Someone who has to control another always needs to be around to watch what they are doing, and to ensure that their partner is only having a “good time” when he is around. If you are in a relationship with someone who insists on always being there and not allowing you any time to yourself, then you are a victim of a controlling boyfriend.
- On his terms: If your boyfriend is always making plans without including you in the decision-making process, then this is a major sign that he has controlling habits. If he is constantly turning down invites and opportunities to attend events that you have interest in and you always seem to be attending events he has interest in, chances are you have a controlling boyfriend.
- Interrogation: If you do find a moment to yourself, spend some time with the girls, or arrive home a little later than expected, prepare to be asked a lot of questions as to where you were, who you were talking to, and why you took so much longer than the average person would. Be careful of being in this type of relationship which usually makes you feel humiliated and as if you are always in the wrong.
- Always right: Regardless of the situation or argument, the controlling boyfriend will never admit to being wrong. This is often also linked to breaking the partner down by making them believe that they are always wrong or doing something wrong. When in this type of relationship, the controlling boyfriend will swiftly change the subject to all you may do wrong or have done wrong in the past.
- Confidence battering: The controlling boyfriend will be well aware of when you are feeling stressed and a little down. He will use this as an opportunity to “save the day” or sometimes even ridicule you or make you feel silly for even believing you could do something successfully on your own. This can range from social situations to work decisions that you may have made. Breaking down ones’ confidence can have serious and long-lasting effects.
- Snooping: A controlling boyfriend is usually a professional snoop. He can often be found looking through your emails, sneaking a few peaks at your cell phone messages, and even reading your mail. This type of behavior in a relationship shows his need to control and always be in the know, along with a lack of trust.
- Isolation: When you find yourself in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend, you will find that he will try and isolate you from your family and friends. This will start usually with general disinterest in them to obvious dislike, and will sometimes even try to convince you that they do not love you or care for you and are possibly even out to get you.
While it would be silly to jump to action if your boyfriend is coming across as insecure, if he is showing one or more of these signs, you need to think about your future. A word to the wise: You ignore these to your own peril. There are seldom more unhappy moments than those in a stressed marriage. The person you are dating may become your spouse, and therefore will greatly affect your future happiness (Colossians 3:19).
Dating provides a great opportunity to learn about another person. Use the time to develop the friendship and understanding of the person, and do not concentrate on the inappropriate, physical parts. Pray for wisdom and discernment so that you find the man who will help you go to heaven (Ephesians 5:28-29). Do not rush the relationship and watch for the signs of strength and weakness that you will have to live with if you marry the person.
Kyle Campbell